NeitiNerlie.net

Nerlie's little corner of art

The Eyes

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She was just sitting there, in the corner of that little shop. She didn't say anything at all but her eyes told so many stories to those who dared to watch. Not many dared, though. Those eyes weren't easy to look at. So bright and so full of feelings. How could one person actually hold that much hurt, confusion, sorrow, blame.... So many emotions you could see and feel by just looking at those eyes of a girl you didn't even know.

To some of the customers that girl in the corner seemed to be invisible. I was amazed. How someone couldn't see that stare witch just made you forget every single happy tought you ever had. Those eyes that made you feel like you were the one who had hurt that little girl and the rest of the world as well. When I walked into that shop those eyes were the first ones I met. And I haven't forgotten them since.

I don't know how long I stared into that horrible mess of feelings. Maybe not even a minute but it felt like days, weeks or even years to me. So much horrible things I've never felt. So many horrible things I've done to people. Why did one little girl's stare make such an effect on me? Usually I didn't care about anyone. Not even children. But now I was frozen.

This can't be just an ordinary girl.

The shopkeeper made me remember where I was and I finally got myself out of the deep eyes. But that hurt didn't go away. Like the girl would've transformed that suffering into me. Not all of it. Just enough to make me uncomfortable.

I didn't really know why I had come to this old book store. I have never been interested in books. And this definetly doesn't look too pleasant. A rotten little place. Looks decieced from outside as well as inside. But I had come here and I was already been asked could I be helped. So I took randomly a book from the shelf and went to pay it.

I didn't dare to look on the girls way anymore. I was afraid of that thing now. The suffering was still inside me. I couldn't get it out of me and I deafinetly couldn't stop thinking about it. Would there be more of this if I happened to watch those eyes again? I didn't want to know.

I just wanted out of there. As soon as possible. And so I ran away and didn't look back.

Those eyes didn't leave me alone. Never. They were always with me, wherever I went. First I tought it was because of the book I happened to be carrying with me. But throwing that rubbish away didn't help. I still met those eyes everywhere. In faces I didn't even know, in the windows of the bus, even in the shadows they seemed to glitter when I didn't look straight at there.

Was I going crazy? I think I was.

And that suffering. It didn't go away neither. It didn't get worse but it didn't go away. It was always there following me inside my mind when the eyes followed me outside. Both of those things seemed now to be part of me and just because of that one look to this little girl.

Then I met the girl again after few years. It was the place I didn't think I would run to anyone. I just wanted to be alone, get my mind in order, stop that mess of feelings inside me. I just wanted to die. That was what I was going to do. Jump. It wasn't too long fall, but it would kill. Maybe not rightaway but no one would look for me from those filthy streets that no one expect rats used.

So I climped up there ready to let that suffering end. And there she was, the girl with those eyes still so horribly full of hurt. She wasn't stopping me, no. She was standing on the edge, waiting for me. I should've tought that I was now completely crazy. But I didn't think anything like that at all. I knew that this girl felt so much more than I did and I knew that she wanted to get rid of it. And I could help her at that. I had never helped anyone before. It was wierd feeling. To know that someone needed you. And how did I know that this girl needed me? I just knew.

Her hand wasn't cold though the weather was really freezing. It was so soft and slightly warm. And so steady all the way to the end.